NOT!

I have this fear in the pit of foot.  It's this fear that makes me not happy to be happy.  I have this project coming up and I'm so happy to have it. But I can't seem to get the script I want plus I want people to be there because it's about the work, the project and not about anything else. Not interested in any other thing, but this project that everyone has worked so hard.  Today was a good day has long has I stay out of my head and stop creating this idea of something, that I hope will never expose it's ugly face. Expose is a odd word, right to expose. I love my life it's simply and it's wonderful. I have this uncomfortable feeling hoovering over me and I"m doing everything in my power not to create something that isn't there and will never, never in this life be there. My mind can create some horrible things, That's it for right now on the matter. Today was alright, and Sunday will be alright, I'm happy to be part of the expo it's just not has relaxing as I would like it to be.

How can I get Famous?

I want my 15 minutes of fame, but I don't know what to do? I'm not white, not very good looking, just an average guy with nothing. But I would like my 15 minutes of fame. I've decided that maybe i'll go up to sunset blvd looking for stars to sleep with, the stars that are married.  Not! I couldn't sleep with my own dog if I tried. I have nothing to offer the world, nothing but a dollar and a dream, and I'm playing lotto with that dollar.  I would love to play on a soap opera as the homeless black man with the heart of gold. NOT! I could do porn, if there is porn for people who sleep with ghost. How can I get Famous? What do I need to do? I want my 15 minutes of fame got dam it! Maybe I could threaten to kill the president? Maybe, or I could rape cats? How can I get Famous got dam it! Only white people can grab that 15 minutes of fame. You think if Tiger Wood had sleep with black women any of them would be getting 15 minutes of fame? Not! But I want to be the first. So how can I get famous! I need help with this, I want 15 minutes of fame. so to anyone out there if you can help me to my 15 minutes of fame tell me and I'll do it. KILL, RAPE, MURDER, STEAL. I'll do it. Because It seems like anything can make you famous anything. So, How can I get famous? Tell me I could use your help.

The Rain Always makes me think.

Deciding on something new.  Last week was my birthday and I wish I could say I have everything I want and need. But that's so far from the truth I could almost kill myself.  I didn't have any dreams when I was a kid. I was to busy trying to stay alive. There was so much sadness in my life It's a wonder I can smile today.  My biological sperm donor father was a monster and I mean a monster. Between my father's beating my mother for breathing to fast and his kids for just looking at him. I guess I'm alright but not really.  I'm looking for something to isolate from the sadness. At one point I thought it was drugs and lots of them.  I just wanted to eat , sleep and breath drugs. But after a while it just became to heavy and to painful, plus they had stopped working. I thought sex would shield me from myself but that became to much and the stress was starting to eat at me. Nothing seemed to be working, plus there were so many other things I had to deal with about me. About me? I thought I had been thinking about me.  Everything I did I thought It was about me. I thought everyone was out to get me, hurt me, and take things away from me. So I have never loved, because I don't want anyone to take that away from me. So I haven't loved.  When It rains, I always feel like it's God telling me to wash away my worries, To start a new. To decided on something new. As a stated earlier I just had a birthday and I'm feeling like I'm choking. I don't know why I feel like I'm choking or maybe I do. I just know the rain makes me think.  Think about love, the pain of love, or the not to love, but it's not something I m looking  for in another person. Not looking for someone to love me nor have I meant anyone that I would want to love or I would want to love me.   Maybe its fear, fear is all I 've had to comfort me in my life. Fear has always been with me inside my mother's womb. I was born into a family of fear. That's the one thing that shit of father passed to me, was his fear. The rain always makes me think about my life and what road I would like to travel on. If I had a million dollars I would leave this place and travel the world. I wouldn't even pack my things. I would just leave and never look back. I have come to realize I will never love, but this journey is about me loving myself my childhood was more then just the beatings, it was about everything that could happen to a little black boy. Things I wish I hadn't been apart of.  The darkness is just starting to pass. So everytime it rains I feel like god is telling me it's alright to come out. I've washed the clouds away for you  today. The Rain Always makes me think, THIS TO SHALL PASS. I feel a lot better about me and I love being alone, not in bad way not hiding from the world, but being alone. I hated being me, so much, I hated everything about me. The  way I looked, talked, my smile, the way I dressed, my walk, everything. But know I'm starting to like me a bit and I'm not afraid of being alone,nor I'm I afraid of dying. So the rain has passed and a new day is upon me.  So maybe tomorrow it'll rain for me and once again will be telling me this to shall pass and I've washed your worries away my son.

Fishing for bad news.

I had a friend call me on Easter Sunday, at first I was very happy to hear from this friend considering we almost beat the hell out of each other. Jealousy is a terrible thing to hold in your heart.  But I was jealous and I was always trying to one up on everything. Ok, It would have never lead us to fighting, but this guy let's call him (white guy from Greenwich). Liked to bully, and I would always say no hitting, or pushing none of that not even in jokes, because I grow where fighting in the house hold was a everyday thing for my parents. I mean fighting which my sperm donor father did most of the hitting. So I knew I wasn't one of those guys that could rough play,because it would start out like play and in a second I would switch and be ready to fight. I knew that much so by the time I hit my twenties I knew that, so I did no rough playing not even for fun. My buddy would get upset and push, and shove, whatever plus I was always the only black guy in the group with had it's perks at times and there wasn't much of the ghetto fighting, guns, stealing, those bloody fights that the other people have. You know what I mean. So sooner or later we would start fighting because I wasn't going to bullied by anyone, and because he was white I allowed myself to take more then I would have if he had not been. It was madness. And back to my friend 's call,  and we haven't talked in a while and this kid kept fishing for bad news, This had happen, that had happen, food stamps, lost his job , his parents had to help him out, which could be true, but this kid wasn't the kind of person to ask for help, plus he was a hard worker. So the longer we talked the more his life got bad. It was to much and he kept asking how about you, are you getting food stamps, no, I would reply. Are you still chanting, Yes ,I would reply. Have you lost your place yet? No i haven't, oh. He was waiting for me to fail, I was a pretty mess back in school, a pretty hot mess, drugs, sex, out all night, fun drinking, gambling, my life was one big party. A PARTY OF HOT MESS.  Listen I wasn't a kind person back in school I didn't like to many people. I wasn't kind to people although many people did like me, I was the party boy, fun guy, Just don't get in my way and we'll do fine. It was all the drugs talking, and the bullshit my sorry ass parents told me and the  black community I 'm a part of I'm trying so hard to understand and forgive for being just mean. I became mean.  So I understand why the kid was wishing for bad news but kid those days are gone. YOU get nothing here , so you and your all white boy band are going to have to fine another hobby. Hoping and fishing for badnews just it's a good hobby.

Hope77Production Company - Contact Us

Hope77Production Company - Contact Us We need Your support.

Collaborative Piece Of Color

Your Support.

Collaborative Piece of Color. Rising money for a project can be difficult and scary at the sametime. I've decide to stepout of my box and try and create something dear to my heart. Getting actors and writers together to explore the black experince. Collaborative Piece Of Color was an idea Director and Writer Tiye Petersen has been brainstorming over for quite sometime-to simply tell the Black Story. It's a unique project within itself because the players will create this collaborative project a piece of color. For the actor ? reactions that will be guided by the director to reach some place of truthfullness and a deeper connection to all the players. Each actor will explore within the exercises using their instrument to create through all facets of body movement, sound, words, music all the things that tell our story-the writers will pen the journey that unfolds from this exploration of discoveries. So we are looking for supporters,if you are intersted in support us please email me and I will let you know how.

Times are hard!

Everyone is having a hard time! That's a fact, people are trying to make ends meet, take care of all the loves ones in their life. It's hard, I just listened to a friend who has had some hard times. Dui, taxes, car, court, all these things that could make one go crazy. I'm not sure I believe the entire story he told, I found sevearl loop holes , in his story, but the point is ,we all are having to trend back our budget, yes trend because we are in a new trend,"called saving and not being wasteful, and I hope this trend last a life time. My life right now is at a turning point, really going after my dream, really doing what's right and not standing in my own way. Times are hard! But we will get through it. I don't know if my friend called me to fuck with my head, to make me feel good that's he's not doing well, I don't know, 15 months ago, I would have been happy because he's this great looking likeable, lovable talented white guy, with a great family. I would have said yes. 15 months later, no,I have changed how I see the world and the peopel in it.  I have faith this kid will do great, he's smart, talented, and could have the world at his feet. We all are having a hard time! How you handle this time is what you will judge yourself on. What you do in this hard time, how you love, respect, care for others, are you eating right, taking care of your mind and soul.  Are you walking with the difficult time or are you fighting it. Fighting just brings more fighting. Times are hard , love , faith, hope, positive energy, friends, love ones,those will get you through. Times are hard, but you keep a smile on your face and it will take you through the hard times. And if my friend was fucking with my head, he did, but in a good way, because whatever he's going on in his head, I know it has nothing to do with me, no matter what. Times are hard for everyone. So focus and the good and you will have more good. Focus on the love and you will have more love.