TALKING TO GOD.

Does he really have the time to talk to people? I know peopel are are christians or some kind of faith and they are some of the most evil people in the world. They lie, cheat, steal, and that's just to name a few. So I say do God really talk to people. It's these same people who have everything they want and a good life. So I'm always asking does God really talk to you. No there is no way he would talk to you because when I look at all the evil and madness that these christians carry in there heart.  I don't know any christian that doesn't talk a good talk and every chance they get they through there god in the middle of their madness. So I say fuck God and when the people who deserve to get it starts getting it, then I'll believe in God and God here 's a list of people  i'll like for you to starte with. So does GOD talk to people hell no. So shut up about god.

Looking for Candy.

I have a crazy sweet tooth, I think about candy every second of the day or something sweet.   I would rather eat sweets then eat healthy food, but I do eat healthy food because once I eat sweets it's all over. Ok let's take about eating healthy.  I believe if you eat right you can enjoy the sweeter things in life. OK a couple of days ago I kinda got into a disagreement with a friend over old stuff. Something they told me they would take care of it. We made a movie, a short and at that time I trusted them with the project, will they told me they would get it done. Long story short, it don't play out the way it should have been. I was told to man up and it was my felt. I was so upset by this because I just wanted a copy of the project and it became a blame game which that was not on my mind, I just wanted a copy of the short film. I knew when I asked about the short how its was going to turn out. I know I was going to get told not to call them anymore and it was going to be turned on to me.  But it doesn't change that fact that I was hurt. Hurt by the choices I've made, by not paying attention to what was going on in front of me. I  understand that I need to man up to my character, and stop cheating on myself being unfaithful to that oath I took to myself and not to just think about my needs and what I want. Not showing up in a dress when everyone thinks I'm showing up in pants and  not hurting all the little ones around me. Trying to have my cake and eat it too. Not pretending my character is of outstanding material. I like candy it makes me feel good and warm all inside but if I don't take care of myself I could get fat. All that extra weight soon can get to ones head and one starts believing that the madness in their lives are do to other people problems.  So I try not to eat candy all the time because , you see I can't just eat one. 

Less Than Zero.

Do you every feel less than zero?  Like you look at your life and you wonder what's going on.  Nothing seems to be gong the way you plan.  I can't seem to get my life going. In 1998 I decide to go back to college and study film production and it was the best thing ever.  I had been out of high school for several years and I was ready to go back to school.  So I got in and out and right after that I went straight into my master's program. Now I'm getting a certificate in postproduction and nothing seems to be going my way. Don't get me wrong I love school it's going great. Just once again I was trying to get into the dga training program and once again I was turned down.  So I decide to take a look at who's getting in and it seemed to be jewish leaning and not much others.  Which I understand it's hollywood and that means I just need to try harder.  I just wanna work but I understand I need to make it happen. So where do I go from where? So I'm keeping my head up and I'm wishing for the best and putting my best foot forward. That's all I can do, I can't let the negative thoughts get into my way.  I have never been in a relationship and this year I turn 41, it's not that am a bad looking guy or I don't take care of myself, just have a fear of love. Which at times makes me feel less than zero. With the combination of not having a car in Los Angeles,or having this grand place , not having a career or the career I would like to have.  I take better care of myself now. I don't drink or do drugs anymore let's be honest, I stop smoking a month ago nad that's been great. I workout 4 to 5 days week.  But that doesn't keep me from feeling less than zero.  So I'll keep you posted on my career and love life, which I would rather have the career and love can wait. So if your feeling less than zero, remember it's just a moment and it will pass. So keep your head up and smile cause at any moment it will change.

MAN UP

Have you ever had anyone tell you not to call them anymore? Well I have many times but all those other times I was in the wrong.  Tonight I was told to MAN UP!  Which I was a little confused about that.  A couple of days ago I decide to ask a friend some question about this little  short, which I just wanted a copy of the short.  It became something else about stealing ideas, taking credit which was never on my mind. I just wanted to know if I could get a copy and when I couldn't get an anwser about getting acopy. My mind was a little in my head. I was never thinking this person would steal ideas.  Everything we do, it's about character ,. I had a drug problem, which tells someone a little bit about my character. My father was a cheater in was in faithful to my mother, that tells alot about his character.  I have a cousin who decide to get married to someone else and tells her boyfriend over the phone and they we're still together, that say's alot about her character. Dishonest is what these people have a common and if you part take any of these you are a dishonest person. It's our job to take responsibility for our own lives.   Some people are real good at pass the buck, trust me I have been around the best and I have watched the professionals at work. Never taking responisbility for what they have done always blaming ever people, my father, mother, boyfriends, girlfriends whatever. Can't we all just get along. So today I lost a friend if we were every friends but I like how people go just through away 14 years like nothing, because you decide to ask questions.  So today I man up, I man up because I'm the master of my future and I must do what I must do.  Maybe I'm a joke to the people around me , the black people around me. So what does that say about black people no real support. Thank you for listen

Health Care Summit.

Can we say what the hack was that all about. For all those who thought the party of no was going to bend , you were sadly mistaken. We heard nothing but noise and words and the party of idiots sound like they may be getting somekind of back bone. I don't know but will see in the next several weeks to come. I was at 7 am my time to watch the greatest show on earth the Healthcare Summit, I had front row seats. Tell me what you thought about this ass show of idiots and government rats. I'll tell you this healthcare bill will not have any real reform not without the public option, go Dems lets make history fools.

Miss understood.

I thought for a second we had an understanding, that my back was covered and my life was going to be better. We would work together and change the world. But I think I miss understood what was going on. I would give you all that I had and you would make a profit. You would share the profit with those who needed it the most. That was what I thought but I guess I miss understand what was going on. So why say I didn't, I didn't know, that wasn't the plan. I think you knew what your were doing. If a person cheats will married wouldn't you say that person is dishonest. Listen I worried about burning bridges , will you don't wanna getting anyone upset but if anyone gets upset because I asked questions then something is wrong. I just missed the work, I was so pride of the work and I big dreams and hopes, so I kept my head up and a smile in the sky hoping for change. Nothing changed for me but everything changed for you. Today I talk to myself and I ask what should I have done. I feel miss understood from within.

Things Don't Add Up.

Have you ever felt like you've been suckered into believe someone else's con game. Someone promises you all this great stuff. Stick with me and we'll get to hollywood. So you go forward with very little questions ask. Before you know your ideas you help with are on tv or scripts your right there on the big screen and something inside you go, huh, it's a feeling you get, you know and you starting wondering is this possible. The more you ask the more you realize that person could have sold those ideas. They have the means and the people around them to do that. Black people have no problem with using other black people if it means that get to live their lives. I keep thinking about all these things have happen that make me say. Something doesn't add up. There is to many things and all I need is questions answered and for people to say. No and I am sorry I did that. I should have talked to you and been more clear. Plus I sight something with this person and that may ne how that we're able to sell this and use that signture to justify thier actions. I've had these feelings for about 8 years. Which I shared with my best friend every step of the way. My thoughts and concerns and what I thought. I wanted to know what she thought and if that was possible. Judging by this person character it's possible.

Feel Good.

Today was a feel good day. Not because anything wonderful happened , it was just a good day. You know those kind of days when you wake-up and you feel like you are on top of the world. Today was just that day. I went to class today and had a great class. T talked to an old classmate and that went great. Now I'm having a great cup of coffee and I'm feeling even better. I love my life it's days like this that I remember how blessed I am. So just look around you and think about how blessed you are with all the love and people around you. Even if you don't know them because you could be six feet under and that's no fun. So life is where it's happening so go out and make love to life and feel good doing it.

OMG, I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES.

I can't seem to stop thinking about these shoes. I came across this great pair of shoes and I can't seem to stop thinking about them. They seem to have taken over my every thought my every movement. So what can I do about these shoes that I can't afford to buy all I can do is just look at them. Ok let me be honest I've been out of work for almost two years. I'm working for this catering company but I only work when that have work so I'm under employed , and it's not so bad. I'm back in school getting a certificate in post-production to go with my masters in theatre and creative writing. So let me go back to the shoes. I haven't been able to buy a pair of shoes in a long time and I don't know about you but I'm so sad. After all the disappointment with creative joint adventures a pair of shoes would really make me feel good about myself. I know there is something about having some great looking shoes on your feet. That tells the world I am here and screw you. So I seem not to be able to find my shoes. I have many pairs of shoes but they don't feel this void. So I'm going through my closet and I get seem to find my shoes.

Catch the Wind.

Have you every wanted to catch the wind? Like take a ride on the wind, catch the breeze as it lands on the tip of your nose. Today was that kind of day, a day that was full of breeze and wind. It started out little off because I choose to act out on the pass not lettinng things go. Sometimes it's hard trying to make sense of things that sometimes don't. I was let down today, let down for a moment because I couldn't catch the wind. I let so many things get away from my hand because of drama and sadness. My last three blogs are about me and whats going on with me and nothing but me. Today I will catch a ride on the wind. So be happy for me.

Searching deep within .

What happens when everything you believed in as just been turn inside out? I don't know what to do or where to go, who to talk to and who not to talk too. You see have this burning image in my head that I can't just walk away from. It's this idea that love is something that we need, we want, we can't live without. I don't know much about love as much as I know about mind fucks. I can't believe it's not shit. Can you explain to me what happen? What was your goal in this little project, did I miss some little detail of the master plan. It's a burning question have had lurking in my mind for years. I think it's funny how people try to make you feel as if your doing something wrong by asking questions. I think it's funny how people have created this false image of themselves and of you. I come across as a little off maybe crazy but I'm very aware even doing my darkness days I was very aware of what was going on between the bigs lights and kind words and quick god like speeches that were ment to mask the prince as he charmed you out of your house and home. Charmed you out of your heart and your love. Made you feel as if your actions wasn't clear and their actions were. I found myself in this rabbit hole trying to dig myself up towards the light. Not allowing myself to walk in the darkness alone. I tricked myself in believing in my own drama. So when I like in the mirror I see the light and the darkness as shift. I now walk in the light with my head help up high. I am ready to fight for the life I want and love the life I have. I will not let you lead me into the darkness for I see what I have in my and no more dancing around the truth.

Facing The Monster.

Sometimes we must find the strength to stand up for ourselves no matter what the cost. For several years I've had this chewing question bitting at my ears. So I decide to ask the question , I decide to step out of my dream state and take charge. Several years ago I had this drug problem which seemed to get in the way of me seeing the truth that lies beneath the surface of every monster. The monster that dresses herself as a kind , warm , loving, soul pretending to walk beside you in this world of madness. But two years later I can say I'm free of the monster that carried me through my life. I understand some and I see people even when I can't sometimes see myself. So what should I do with this miss understanding that I'm having? How do I clear the air so the light can shine? I can no longer be blamed or made to feel I have done anything wrong by asking the question, searching for the truth between all the words. I was so worried that I would lose my choice to leave my dream because If I asked too many questions, I would lose that chance. while I started school in 98 and now it's 2010 and between that time I have seen ideas played out on air and on screen and things disappear in thin air. I've walked through this crazy belief that I wasn't lovaible and Know one cared. Which I know that monster has come and gone. I no longer believe that and I see. I see you and it's just as clear as yesturday. I have faced the monster and monster has been defeated and I can walk with my head help up high, because I'm free to See the truth that lies underneath the surface of the monster.

Movie Time: Making Sense of The NonSense.

Movie Time: Making Sense of The NonSense.

Making Sense of The NonSense.

When someone show you who they are the first time you better believe them. Some people are able to mask thier faces pretty good and they have mastered the kind words and the god speeches pretty goood. But sooner or later the mask starts to fall and the truth reveals itself. I created this short film and everything was going great until I let my guard down I put my hard earn money into this short, got the cast and got the crew, the locations expect one location, and the day we shot Ihad someone else PAY for the food and got us the office location. We we're going to put this into the film festival and so I trusted them with getting the tape edited and getting copies to me and actors, but this where the story goes dark, it's like writing treatments and all the treatments you wrote the shows later showed up on mtv and it's like writing a screenplay about couples and then there's a movie made kinda like your story, to many things just happens and there is always this through line and you say ok, if it walks like a duck sounds like a duck it must be a duck. Theses things are jagging around in my head and the picture it's add up and doesn't make any kind of sense. So where does the truth lies where does the story come to and end. I share this with you because I can't seem to understand what's going on and where the lies end and the truth begins what's in my head and what's out side of my head.

A Fool For To Long.

TO FAT TO FLY!

Kevin Smith is milking this to fat to fly. I can't understand all the media bliss about a fat white guy who can't fly. He's a white male and for the first time someone said no. To fat to fly! Lose the fat weight, I think if your are to fat you shouldn't being doing much of anything. You shouldn't fly, teach young children, work around food, in any kind of retail, if you're to fat you shouldn't leave the house. We don't let people with drug problems work, or teach until they get healthier. We should do the same to fat people, lose the weight or don't go out in public. Americans are just fat and lazy, stupid group of people. Plus this is about Kevin Smith new movie Cop Out, that's what this is about, when he dies of fat heart attack then I'll feel sorry for his FAT WHITE ASS. Until then get into a gym. I don't feel sorry for the whites guy! Sorry When racism ends then I'll feel sorry for white guys of any kind until then Hell no! Kevin Smith get over it! He's not really upset it's about his movie COP OUTt! I hope it flips!

SHUTTER ISLAND.

Today was the opening of SHUTTER ISLAND, DIRECTED BY MARTIN SCORSESE, starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Michelle Williams, Max Von Sydow. This movie will have you all over the place. You will be rooting for the lead charcacter to figure out this nightmarsh dream. Each character plays his or her part will. Martin Scorsese sets up a beautiful world of something evil is going on at that hospital. To me it had this Roman Polanski feel to it which was great. I can tell you how much I enjoyed this film it was really great it is worth it's gold and silver it doesn't miss a beat. So if you wanna see a great film, with great acting strong story line beautiful scenery and let's not forget that music. You know as soon as the movie starts things are not what they seem. You just don't know how. So get your asses out of the house and go see a grown up movie and enjoy. And yes there is something in it for the girls also.

Valentine's Day

I just saw Valentine's Day and I thought is was ok, it was a great movie for V day, but not so great after V-day-. I thought it had some great moments. Jamie Foxx and Queen Latifah looked out of place and Why, they were the taken black folks, Jamie Foxx looked to old and Jessica Biel, not a match it wasn't that he was black its that he looked to old, and yes if he had been white I could have believed it ,but you don't see many hot young white girls falling for old black man, did not work,wasn't believable, I love Julia Roberts part, there is a fun surprise which I really enjoyed and I thought the two guys that deliver that story we're perfect. Patrick Dempsey it worked, I love the message it had with the young couples Garry Marshall did great on that part. Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway looked so good together , I thought they made a great couple. Over all I give it a D since Valentines Day is over and the movie had I watched on that day would made me smile, and happy for love and it's lovers, But that wasn't the case, I thought everyone over acted, and the message was so stupid Jessica Biel should return to 7 heaven , she sucked! Taylor Swift please no more acting, I thought she sucked ASS, Everytime she came on screen I wanted to shove my head up my own ass hole, Hector Elizondo Shirley Maclaine aren't they dead yet. Taylor Lautner isn't there a gay porn you could be working own. George Lopez, the Token other guy. To much going on, I thought Queen Latifah and Kathy Bates should have been each other Valentines, instead of Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane what the fuck was that , Jessica Alba what a waste Why, To many stars and to little acting and Fuck the story between the young girls talking about waiting, Today's youth is all about sex and you know their fucking so have them show some ass and fuck, so weak, Garry Marshall what we're you thinking? Go see the movie and be the judge for yourself. Come back and tell me what you thought. Asthon Kutcher and Jennifer Garner watching my mother being gang fucked by midgets with big dicks would have been better than that shit, what was he thing and the little boy. I just wanted to shot the dam kid in his head. The movie had a great we are the world feel and I think we are the world SUCK HOMELESS BALLS. save your money for a hand job this movie sucked cancer ass.

Movies

This weekend I will be going to see several movies and I will give you the run down on what trash not to see and what to see. So stay tune and lets talk MOVIES.

What do we DO?

Can we play and live together or I'm I trapped in my past? I understand that my roommate experince was some of my doing and some wasn't of my doing, having 300 dollar jeans stolen or a phonebill exceeding 500 dollars and almost killing this all american greenwich rich boy. I understand that my troubles played apart in some areas all of my troubles, but there is always a but. So I ask is it possible to live and work together, so I say it doesn't work for me or it didn't work for me, SO I ask what do we do?

Just sharing.

There are alot of great movies out there and my goal is to tell you about those great movies. I just say the Single Man, it is a touching film with a great cast of players. If you are one of those lovers of movies and the oscars, this is a must see movie because Tom Ford tells a great story about a love lost and how life stops moving. If you love George Clooney , you will love Up in the Air, just another movie tells a moving story. Right now I can only tell you about those two movies at this moment, I'm my way out to talk about this project I'm trying to get off the ground being a film maker myself, yes I can finally say I'm a film maker, just that thought alone makes me cry, considering fact that last year and the years before that my life was a MESS! iT was so painful , I thought about killing myself every other second of the die. I was drinking doing drugs things were so bad I created this love affair in my head that was just a MESS. Those days are OVER, this year alone has been joyful and my DEMONS ARE GONE ALL OF THEM! I know it sounds crazy, but I carried my DEMONS with me from the time I was 5 until a year ago. I still have some issues around race, I know thats horrible I know, I know but in this way I have this fear that all the white people that I know from school are all going to get to live thier dreams while the minorities my not get a chance too. Listen I understand it's hard for us all but for some of us we have to work harder. It's just a fear and I understand that the playing field isn't even but I do bielieve that with hard work I will acheive my dream or goals. I just wanted to share that fear put it out there. It's a small fear and I'm working on it everyday. Perfect example Vogue Layout of the NEW YOUNG HOLLYWOOD, NO COLOR AT ALL NOT ONE TRACE OF COLOR ALL WHITE. They didn't even try to ADD COLOR NOT one trace of grays blues, reds, no browns at all, no shades of browns, blacks, just WHITE how boring! IT'S AMERICA STILL THE GREATEST AND BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Still alot og work to be done.