Meeting Time.

I've got myself into this strange world a world where I must spend time inside the rooms of NA and boy it's a world I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You walk into a room where all you hear are people crying about their lives and talking about the same issues over and over and over never moving on. It's like being in a room of retired old folks, But it's a room full of damaged folks trying to make sense of their lives. Let me say my life has gotten better and I have a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. The one thing I have learned about myself is that nothing is personal, no matter what anyone says nothing is personal. So when I go to these meetings I go with a sense of easy and love and a deeper understanding of the damage that fills the room sometimes choking you at the door. But you learn to walk through it. I don't have as much time as many of the others but I do have a understanding that I have no control over people, places or things. Sometimes the fear of  living in those rooms makes me feel progress slow and I'm not getting it. Those rooms many times I find to be negative and just so heavy.  The cycle seems to be reputations the same thing over and over and over and that worries me.  I realize the rooms are not a place to share because No one really listens to you everyone is so busy in their heads and making each and everything about them.  That no one really hears you. I had a real fear inside of comfort I got how dare you, or looks and It's funny it's alway the white people that have the most to say, so what does that really say? Those meeting are killing my belief that one can change is mind pattern, that one can change that voice in ones head. I believe in my recover, staying clean, that's not the fear, because it's a life style change, to me it's like losing weight, or trying to stop smoking, drugs are no different, addiction is addiction although people in the room would like to think their special and there a different.  This is a life style change , it's about changing your thoughts and opinions about ones self.  I hate going to the meetings but I go, I hate them because they don't make me feel hopeful but then a again it's not about how it makes me feel. It's about being practical  and doing what works for me right now in this moment. I will not let anyone run over my belief that this is a life style change and it's as simple as that.  I think it's funny thinking that people might be talking about something I've said. Talk is good and it gives people something to do with their time. Ego talking and I LOVE IT.   So meeting time is a place where you come together for one common goal to stay clean but the truth of the matter you must give up a little bit of one's thought and walk lock and barrel if you wanna stay in sync with all the rotten , diluted thoughts that curves its self in the cracks and corners of the room. Where people with with much clean time have gotten trapped in their own thoughts of madness believing that always know what's best and the ones with the slogans some to be the ones with nothing really to offer the rooms but ego and utter madness and it's that energy that dooms the rooms to remain in a place of energy that can't move freely in the rooms of NA.  So I've learned that my past is my past and anything that any one says its about them and not me no matter what is said. So to the SLOGAN GUY open your ears and listen try not to fall asleep every one minute and breath before you create your great slogans which understand that's it's not about you, it never ways and put those five years of recovery to get use.