Old Friends and New People in a changing LIFE.

I feel different about the new people in my life, like I'm going backwards.  Let me explain. I have new people in my life, friends, whatever, but today I realize I don't feel the same about these new people in my life.  I use to be happy to see my friends, happy, knowing that I was going to be hanging out if them. Going out for a drink and sometimes drugs, ok, I know that's bad but that was the old me. Today  I don't drink nor do drugs. But we use to do alot of things, Go to the movies, out dancing,  shows, shopping , talk on the phone for hours, sports events, and these friends we're Black, White, Spanish, Asian, Latin , male, female, straight, gay, in between, We took trips and made real plans.  I don't feel that way about these friends. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  It was like I could hang out with my old friends and not standout when it came to fashion, everyone had their own style, and it was a good style, the guys got haircuts and dressed like hip, cool, right on, the girls of course, plus my friends we're really good looking men and women, that's where I failed short, but everything else I  was right on.  The friends I have now, it's not the case, plus I always knew no matter what these friends we're going to get me out of my mood, make me happy, make me feel good, these friends not so much, I have to do it myself, and sometimes they my help out. These friends it become about a pity feast, plus these old friends had reachable dreams, like understanding what was possible and what wasn't. If you look like Will Smith you could get a Hot GIRL.  The Will Smith looking guy dated and the other guy dated also, he didn't put his life on hold, holding out for the hot girl to come along.  My point is Today while riding the bus I thought about throwing myself in front of the bus. I was just thinking WOW, the people around me don't make me happy, Now I don't need them to make me happy as I did before, but it does feel good when you see your friends and your eyes light up with joy and your heart smiles.  I don't have that anymore. Don't get me wrong I get happy over alot of things, going to the movies, talking to my friends at home, or old friends from school. Do get me wrong I enjoy the people in my life and we have a good laugh when I'm around, but it's not the same. My old friends use to inspire me sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad now I'm just indifferent, I can take it or leave it.  I had alot of pain in my past and my life was about feelings. My Old Friends just brought out all these feelings good and bad. I felt like I couldn't live without them and my life would end, and it hasn't and I no longer base my friendship on how they make my feel because if I did that I wouldn't have any new friends. Now my friends are based on a need to stay clean, yes I said stay clean, the friends I have now is about a group of people trying to stay clean and just get through the day, my old friends were about enjoying the day , taking full advantage of the time and having fun. I was the only one to take the drugs to far to the right.  One good thing about this change is that I really enjoy spending time and being by myself and I don't need my new friends to make my feel or to inspire me, I can do that by myself. I sure do miss the smile that came over my face when I saw my old friends and the joy they brought into my life. Here's to Changes.